Why We Hate to Need

A couple of years ago, my kids got a play-set for their birthday. It was from Costco, and it was nothing elaborate. Just the kind of thing that would get them outside and give them something to climb on. It came in two large boxes with a slide. I picked it up and stored it in the garage.

And then sat there. For months.

It wasn't that I forgot about it. The kids definitely didn't let me forget about it. The problem was that assembly required help, and I didn't want to ask for any.

I told myself I'd get to it. I told myself I'd figure it out.

But what I was really telling myself was that needing help was something to be avoided.

So the boxes sat. And my kids waited.

Eventually, I mentioned it in a sermon, and multiple people offered to help. I was incredibly grateful and humbled. I accepted someone’s offer and the play-set was built in a day.

This story raises a question I have sat with since this happened: why do we hate need? Why is it so much easier to serve than to be served?

Most of us have made peace with the idea that we should help others. We volunteer. We show up. We bring meals. Service feels impactful, even noble.

But the moment someone tries to do something for us, we seem to naturally resist.

We deflect.

We say we're fine.

We insist we've got it.

Jesus had something to say about that.

In John 13, on the night before his crucifixion, Jesus gets up from the Last Supper, wraps a towel around his waist, and starts washing his disciples' feet. The disciples walked right past the basin when they came in because nobody wanted to be caught in the servant's position. But Jesus stepped into it without hesitation.

Then he got to Peter. And Peter did what most of us would do. He resisted.

What Jesus says next stops me every time I read it. He doesn't argue with Peter's humility or applaud his deference. He tells him plainly,

“if you won't let me serve you, you have no part with me.”

Refusing to be served isn't humility. It's just pride with better manners.

I think we resist being served for a lot of reasons: discomfort, control, image, pride. But the kingdom of God is built on need. We had a need, Jesus filled it. That's the gospel.

And the community he calls us into is one where we keep living that way: humbly serving, and humbly letting others serve us.

I preached through this text a few weeks ago. If you want to go deeper on what Jesus says to Peter, and what it means for how we do community, I'd love for you to watch the full message.