Shame: From Hiding to Belonging

Have you ever felt shame? I don’t mean feeling bad about something, but the kind of shame where all you want to do is hide.

I’ve been there. I’ve had moments when I felt so unworthy of love or acceptance—from God or anyone—that all I wanted was to disappear. That’s what makes shame so dangerous. It doesn’t just tell us we’ve done something wrong—it tells us we are wrong. This is exactly what we see at the very beginning of the Bible.

In Genesis 3:10, following their sin, Adam says to God, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” Shame drives us to hide from the very One who loves us most.

Recently, my son has done something similar. When he’s made a mistake, or even just been corrected for doing something wrong, he runs away and cries in his closet. As a father, it breaks my heart. But It’s also a very human response.

Dr. Brene Brown, who writes extensively on the topic, defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging—something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.” She continues in The Gifts of Imperfection:

“Shame works like the zoom lens on a camera. When we are feeling shame, the camera is zoomed in tight and all we see is our flawed selves, alone and struggling.”

That sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

In his book, The 3D Gospel (which is an incredible book I highly recommend), Jayson Georges unpacks how different cultures experience morality and emotions. He outlines three primary cultural frameworks: fear-power, guilt-innocence, and shame-honor.

Let’s take a look at the latter two frameworks.

In guilt-innocence cultures (like much of the West), right and wrong are defined by law and justice. However, in shame-honor cultures (which represents the majority of the world), morality is relational. You gain honor by belonging and living rightly within your community. You experience shame when your actions sever that connection.

When Adam and Eve hid in the garden, it wasn’t just about guilt; they had lost honor. Their relationship with God was broken. And humanity has been hiding ever since.

Here’s where it gets powerful: our natural response to shame is to hide or try to earn our way back into good standing. But as Georges writes:

“Sin is largely the false attempt to cover shame and fabricate honor.”

That’s why the cross matters so much, and why we sometimes miss its full meaning in the West. The Bible was written in an honor-shame context, and through that lens, we see the gospel not just as a solution to guilt, but as the restoration of honor and relationship.

What if the cross isn’t just about removing guilt, but restoring your honor?

Jesus lived in perfect honor before the Father. Yet He willingly bore our shame. He accepted the consequences of our dishonor. And He did so in the most humiliating way possible: public crucifixion.

Hebrews 12:2 says of Jesus:

“For the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Jesus despised the shame—but He didn’t avoid it. Because of us, He couldn’t avoid it. So instead, He carried it.

On the cross, Jesus cries out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46). This rare moment—when He doesn’t address God as “Father”—shows the deep shame He bore. But the story doesn’t end there. Jesus rose from the dead and was restored to honor at the Father’s right hand.

Georges captures it beautifully:

“Jesus faithfully endured the shame and broke its power. The cross restored God’s honor and removed our shame. Face was restored.”

It is through His death that we can have a relationship with God; one where we experience freedom from our sin and the shame associated with it.

Because of Jesus, we don’t have to hide. We don’t have to pretend we’re strong enough. The way back isn’t by striving—it’s by surrender.

Like my son, many of us are hiding. But God doesn’t come to condemn us in our shame. He comes to cover us in grace and restore our honor.

When we remember that, we can stop running away from God in our shame, and instead, start running toward the Father.

Thanks for reading. I appreciate you,

Philip