Transforming Toxic Patterns
The holidays have a way of magnifying everything. The joy is greater. The laughs are louder. Our plates are fuller. But the tensions are also magnified too: the old wounds, the complicated family dynamics, the relational trauma we’d rather leave in the past. The holidays can bring out the best in us… but sometimes, they also bring out the worst.
These tensions can show up in many ways. Divorce complicates the calendar. The political differences somehow make their way to the table (for absolutely no reason). The TV divides our gatherings with one group who wants to watch football while another is passionately committed to the dog show.
But beyond normal tensions, there are toxic patterns that tend to surface in these moments. You know, the guilt trips, the judgmental comments, the passive-aggressive behavior. It’s the things that don’t just annoy you, but they can cause you to dread the time entirely. These aren’t the little annoyances; they’re the things that make us dread the gathering altogether. Tension can frustrate you, but toxic patterns can wound you.
And when those patterns show up, the gatherings that should give us life end up leaving us drained, anxious, or stuck in cycles we don’t know how to break. That’s a real part of the holiday experience for many of us. But I believe there’s a better way.
Recently, I preached a sermon detailing how we can deal with toxic patterns in a way that honors Jesus, others, and prioritizes our peace. In it, I explore what it looks like to:
Love honestly instead of faking harmony
Live humbly instead of trying to win every interaction
Pursue peace with wisdom, boundaries, and courage
If you’ve ever felt stuck in unhealthy relational patterns, especially around the holidays, I think this message will encourage you.
Thanks for reading. I appreciate you.
Philip